Why Do I Betray Jesus?
Why do I betray Jesus? This question seems to leap at me as I study the text. Let’s take a look.
The intensity of these days in Jesus’ life is hard to comprehend. Everything is reaching its climax.
The text notes the finality of it all when it says in verses 1 – 2, “when Jesus had finished all these sayings…”. The phrase “when Jesus had finished these sayings” has been used a number of times in Matthew’s account to denote the end of a period of Jesus’ teaching. Here, the word “all” is meant to make sure we understand that Jesus is done teaching.
He announces his death again. He is in complete control.
As I isolate two betrayals (Caiaphas’ and Judas’) I am struck by their matter-of-fact brevity. They are a total of four verses.
Caiaphas is a master political maneuverer. He knows how to hold power in a very tumultuous political town. The Romans, in an attempt to break Jewish power changed the term of High Priest to an annual appointment. Caiaphas was appointed 18 years in a row!
Caiaphas’ betrayal of Jesus is one in a long list of calculated political moves.
Judas’ betrayal, on the other hand, is what?
I am now in the realm of speculation. I want to cogitate on his betrayal a bit, in order to think about my own moments of betraying Jesus.
I tend to think that Judas started out as more than a fan of Jesus. I tend to think he was a committed follower. Afterall, in John’s Gospel, after Jesus says “Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood…” we know that most people left him—except the disciples.
Judas has wrestled, as have the other disciples, with exactly just who they believe Jesus to be.
I wonder if Judas betrayed Jesus because he was disappointed in him. I wonder if he was disappointed that Jesus was not a political messiah who would throw the Romans out of town?
I wonder if it was something deeper.
I wonder—is disappointment with Jesus at the root of this betrayal?
After all, 30 pieces of silver isn’t very much. In Exodus 21:32 it was what you paid someone if your ox accidently killed one of your slaves. I have to think there was a little monetary inflation over the roughly 2,000 years between Exodus and Jesus.
Certainly, Caiaphas’ and Judas’ betrayals might be labeled “total betrayal’s”. The kind that once you’ve committed them, there seems to be no way back.
There is another betrayal coming up in Jesus’ life. It is not far away. It is Peter’s denial that he is one of Jesus’ disciples.
All of this is causing me to ask myself, “Why do I betray Jesus? Why do I betray God?” When I sin, in the face of all God has done for me—in the face of all Jesus has done for me, am I not in effect turning my back on Jesus and saying, “I don’t know the man.” Or perhaps ever worse. Am I in essence saying, “Get away from me!”
There is a part of me that wants to back away from this point. There is a part of me that is saying to myself, “David, you are going too far, betrayal is too strong a word.”
Perhaps you need to understand that recently I have been in other parts of the Bible: specifically, Isaiah. The prophet declares over and over again how God is tired of Israel’s sin…especially when right after they sin, they then go and worship him. He is tired that they show up at church on Sunday, and then during the week go and carry on like he does not exist.
Consider, the Communion Wine was still on Judas’ lips as he went to get his silver.
I wonder, as the Communion Wine is still on my lips, what is it I am doing?
For Caiaphas and Judas, for some reason, Jesus was not enough. Jesus was not enough for them to lay down their agendas and pride—and fully submit to Him and His rule.
The answer to my dilemma is that Jesus must become more and more for me. He is always the answer. I must, more and more, become one with Him—for He truly is more than enough.
Is Jesus enough for you? Are you disappointed with Him?