We’ve reading through the Gospel of Mark. I have tried to be consistent about what Mark is trying to do…he is trying to get everyone to meet Jesus and understand he is God come to earth.
Today we will see Jesus be tested about what God teaches regarding marriage. Jesus passes the test. He will demonstrate he, as the author of The Law, understands far beyond his questioners.
However, today, this entry is taking a different approach.
I am thinking about YOU—especially if you are divorced.
Anytime we read the Gospel in sequence we invariably come across some difficult topics, personal topics—and today we come across Jesus’ teaching about divorce.
Divorce is a difficult topic; some of us are divorced, some of us have friends who have gone through a divorce, and at times the Church hasn’t been at its best in handling divorce (treating it as if it is almost unforgivable).
So, no funny stories today, but I trust Jesus and so I want to probe His Word, not fearing Him, but seeing what He has to say about such a difficult topic. Because it is so difficult, I plan to go through it slowly, verse by verse.
He left that place and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan.
Let’s pause right here, “He left that place”, what place? If you remember Jesus has been teaching His disciples alone and he leaves that place, he leaves being alone.
And crowds again gathered around him; and, as was his custom, he again taught them.
So, Jesus is once again into the fray, teaching the people, and
Some Pharisees came,
But they came not to chat with him, no it says…
…to test him
And so we must first understand that Jesus’ teaching here on divorce is not to some people who have been divorced, or people who are struggling with their marriage, it isn’t even a topic that Jesus has chosen, no they have come to test him, even embarrass him in front of a crowd, and so…
…they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
What kind of a test is this question? Is it to see if Jesus knows the Torah? Answer – NO! Of course Jesus knows the Torah. What is going on here is that Jesus’ star is on the rise, people are beginning to see him as the Messiah, possibly the new king of Israel.
And there currently is a “would be” king in Israel – King Herod.
King Herod had taken his brother, Philip’s, wife. John the Baptist had a few things to say about Herod’s actions (right in this same geographic area) and it cost him his head!
The Pharisees have come to ask Jesus what he thinks about divorce in order to get him into trouble.
Jesus does what he usually does in these situations – He asks them a question:
“What did Moses command you?”
In other words, “Why are you asking me what is lawful, don’t you have and know the Word of God?”
They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.”
Now before we go onto Jesus’ comment let’s just pause again. Moses, in Deuteronomy 24, discusses giving a divorce. The fact that this is in the Bible tells us what? Further, does Jesus say, “Moses was wrong?” No, Jesus knows what the Bible says – that unfortunately divorce happens, and that God’s Word addresses it.
But then Jesus goes on to explain what you and I already know…
“Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you.
Why do people get divorced? For some it is because they are in unsafe relationships or even worse, and for many it is because people grow cold towards one another, or people grow tired, or…you fill in the blank. Many times people don’t tend to the marriage and it just withers. Jesus describes this as “hard hearts.”
We know this don’t we. Jesus’ words to this point are hard to hear because he is telling us what we know to be true – and sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
Jesus then describes God’s ideal – what God intended.
“…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
What has Jesus just done? He has described the way God designed the world.
Just like God designed us not to kill each other, not to lie to each other, not to be jealous of each other – God designed us to be together as husband and wife for life.
The challenge for us at this point is when we fail – and that challenge gets heightened by Jesus’ next words.
Jesus finds himself alone with his disciples and they ask him again about this situation.
Jesus tells His Disciples “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
What is Jesus doing? Is he making people who are divorced feel guilty? I don’t think so; Jesus isn’t about piling on guilt.
To help us understand consider another teaching of Jesus:
27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matt 5:27-28 (NIV)
Or this:
21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Matt 5:21-22 (NIV)
Looking at another “lustfully” is adultery, or getting angry with someone is comparable to murder?
Jesus wants to teach us that issues caused by “hard heartedness” lead us away from God’s design for His World and His People – the fancy religious word is sin.
Sin is when we conduct ourselves in ways contrary to God’s designs.
Does that make sense?
So, here is a question: if you “lust after someone in your mind” or if “you get angry” – do you, do humans, count those sins the same as divorce?
My observation is that because the pain of divorce is so real—we, as humans, somehow “count it worse”.
God views all sin a bad—as an offence against Him. I don’t think he has a scale. I could be wrong. There is a bigger issue for us—it is how we respond when we sin.
I see people do one of two things:
One path is that we “justify” why it was OK to get divorced. Don’t misunderstand me there may be real reasons for a divorce, but I doubt anyone stood at the altar of the day of their marriage with the goal of getting divorced.
That day at the altar God’s goal, God’s design, wasn’t divorce either. And when it happens – whether the person needs to escape from the marriage or not – when it happens it is contrary to God’s design.
The point of this last statement is to teach us that when we do something that is contrary to God’s design, we need to ask God to help us and forgive us – we don’t try and justify it.
The second path we take (sometimes this one follows the first) is that we stay away from God. Over the years because of the public nature of divorce, because of the pain of divorce, and because of the Church’s treatment of people who go through divorce – because of all those things – and more – people feel as if divorce is unforgivable.
They, we, feel shame. I did. My mom and dad were married 62 years – when I had to call my father and tell him my marriage was over – I can’t describe the shame. Fortunately, he stepped towards me. If he didn’t my shame might have kept me from him.
The same is true with God, our shame keeps us away at a time when our heavenly Father says “come, come all to me who are heavy laden…” When we fall down, when we suffer divorce we should be running toward God and not away.
Let me try and “get this right” from the Church’s perspective.
Divorce isn’t God’s design – when we live contrary to God’s design, we will experience pain, pain that we may have inflected on ourselves, or received from another.
But Divorce isn’t the end.
What do we do when we find ourselves contrary to God’s design? We go to God and say we are sorry, seeking His forgiveness, knowing that He forgives AND heals.
Jesus’ teaching on divorce is serious isn’t it, but so is life! Life is serious and Jesus want us to experience it the best possible way – and the best way is by following God’s Commands. When we do follow God’s commands, life, while not always easy, can be wonderful. When we don’t follow his commands, the best way to live, is to tell Him you are sorry.
When you meet a happily married couple what do you find? I find “soft hearts”.
That’s one of the results of the Cross – When I look at the Cross – it softens my hearts.
When I look at the Cross and realize that it’s where Jesus paid the price for my divorce – it softens my heart and encourages me to live as God intended.
The Cross yields – hearts that are soft towards “one another” – hearts that are knit together – hearts that care as much about the other person as they care about themselves – hearts that are faithful to each other.
The Cross reminds me that I don’t, I can’t do this 100% of the time.
The Cross reminds me to run to Jesus.
What sin do you need to tell God “sorry” and then run to him over?