I want to enter this discussion by reminding myself of one of the lenses I am reading Matthew through: the lens of family.
When someone close to us, the way a family member is close to us, offends, it deeply wounds.
Jesus today is talking about family relationships, relationships inside the Body of Christ.
There is a lot packed into these twenty or so verses. Let’s work backwards.
In verses 23 through 35 we see what the Kingdom of Heaven is like from one perspective. The king has high standards. He expects results. Yet he is also compassionate. As he is generous with his compassion to us, he expects we to be generous with our compassion. The Lord’s Prayer is echoing in my ears: “Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”
Forgiveness is something I have thought and written a bit about. Here is how I wrap my mind around forgiveness.
A little further upstream, in just two verses, twenty-one and twenty-two, we see that this is not a onetime thing. I want to point out that we often confuse forgiveness with reconciliation and restoration. Here I spend some time working through these bits.
Finally in verses fifteen through twenty we come to what is so often the rub; dealing with the situations of offense as they are playing out. We are more prone to speak with others, rather than the person who offended us (or we offended).
Jesus gives us very specific and practical direction.
There are times I don’t want to engage. There are times I want to engage, and the other party cannot engage to the degree I desire. It is hard. There are times I have engaged, offered forgiveness as I understand it, and it never seems enough.
I think what we really want is someone to “wave a magic wand” so that at the words “I forgive you”, it all magically goes away.
Sometimes, after much effort, you must stop. It is always tough to know when.
Jesus knows it is a hard process. We are to go and engage. Verses fifteen and sixteen speak of seeking to engage, but verse seventeen is worth sitting on a bit:
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector.
After you have tried and tried, and you are not making progress, Jesus suggests you emotionally, even physically, put them outside your circle. How about spiritually? Asked differently, “How did Jesus treat tax collectors and Gentiles?”
Answer, he loved them. He prayed for them.
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I believe Jesus’ words here address the reality that there is no magic wand. His answer is that there will be times is does not all work out.
And in those times, and with those people, his call is to love.